Confessions of a “Theophiliac”

Wednesday, July 02, 2008
1:44 AM

MY GOODNESS!!! Phew… at least I finally got that one out of my system. Obviously, this film is not for the faint-hearted. Seriously. Take my advice… if you’re like a medical student or in a health-allied course or field and you happened to be lured to this film because of its, shall I say, "inviting" (not to mention "misleading") title then don’t say I didn’t warn you!

This film is definitely not for everyone’s consumption. It should be like Rated R+++ or something. I mean… it’s not the usual sex-and-violence kind of film. This one’s got a real plot which would really leave an impression or compel you to dig deep into your grey matter or even pull you out of your comfortable state. It’s not something that you would watch to unwind.

Or perhaps it’s just me… some people could be so desensitized already to the point that they won’t be affected by most of the scenes that I’m referring to. Hey, I wouldn’t want myself to get desensitized. The movie portrays how evil the nature of man truly is. It depicts his fallen nature which so easily gives in to its carnal desires and cravings. I think any person who watches the movie without cringing or at least batting an eyelash is no longer human. Or is at least so numb to the point that he loses the propensity to react to such… sadistic or inhuman acts.

I know I’m just ranting or raving like some deranged viewer but the movie evoked such emotion in me that I couldn’t help but blog about it. I really need to just get it out of my system. It’s like some sort of a therapy for me. After the initial shock comes this. Haha. Okay, perhaps I need to get a grip now.

Anyway, I’m not going to spoil the "fun" of some aspiring viewers by revealing important details and every peculiar stuff that I’ve seen in the movie including the really disturbing ones. But just to give you a heads up, the film is some sort of a thriller with medical bits here and there and yes, the main characters are pathologists. So expect lots and lots of scenes with corpses or dead bodies. Incidentally though, the leading character was portrayed by the actor from Heroes’ Peter Petrelli… looking good as ever.

Of course, there’s a little bit of love story interspersed in the plot but that’s beside the point. It’s still gory and there’s action and a lot of blood minus the usual weapon such as guns and the like. Also, it’s not your usual case of psycho killers because as much as I hate to admit it, the acts done were the meticulously planned and borderline genius. Knowledge is indeed scary when it falls into the wrong hands.

So much for "watching a movie to unwind". Sheesh! Now I need to watch another movie to "unwind" from this movie. Haha! Seriously, if you plan to watch it or have already seen it… please, just make sure it doesn’t change your outlook on doctors. They are still human after all, subject to temptations and this movie ought to remind us that man is indeed evil by nature. I believe man can never get out of his evil system unless he is redeemed by someone whose nature is exactly the opposite: good, pleasing and perfect.

If you want to challenge it or talk about it, I am open to a friendly discussion. Thanks for "hearing me out"!

sira-sira ang friendster blog! sheesh! i’m tempted to transfer to a new one…

God can never be truly God without full submission to His will. His Lordship over one’s life requires total surrender.

But what does total surrender mean?

It means a complete surrender of EVERY aspect of one’s life to God… and not just in one particular area. It means loosening one’s grasp on something that one holds on to so dearly… and then finally letting it go, willingly allowing God to be in control of it.

It is far from easy. But it has to be done. So that He can be magnified above all things. So that He can truly be called "My Lord and my God." 

flawed.

fickle.

futile.

An imperfect and utterly worthless creature’s attempt to show so-called adoration and love for Him who possesses fierce, unchanging, and perfect Love.

Holy Father,

love me still
I have fallen from Your will
I am broken
Hear my humble cry
My cry

I have wandered for so long
Tired and weary on my own
In Your arms I know I’m home, O God
My God

Take my life and make it Yours, Lord
Fill me with Your love
You are all I need
I surrender all of me

Take my life and make it Yours, Lord
Fill me with Your love
You are all I need
I surrender
I surrender
I surrender all of me

Medical degree? M. D. could still have alternative meanings… like "My Dream" for instance or perhaps "My Dilemma". I guess in this case, she was referring to the former alternative meaning of M. D. Still, I must admit that there were times when the latter alternative meaning did occur to her… in relation to the original meaning of M. D.

Let me put it this way: There was this girl who has always dreamt of becoming a doctor. Since as long as she can remember <during those times when autograph was still uso>, she has always written "doctor" under her ambition. There were even times when she wrote "Surgeon", specifically "Neurosurgeon" in an attempt to glamorize or sophisticate it a bit. Sure, she went through the stage where her aspirations in life were to become an F.B.I. agent, a karate master, or even a lawyer. Yet she could never recall a single moment in her life when she stopped yearning to become a doctor.

But when did this dream become a dilemma to her? Well… it was quite gradual. It slowly dawned upon her that the actual process of becoming one is not as simple as it seems. That the road to this dream is neither paved with gold nor lined with flowers, butterflies and things which make one warm and fuzzy all over.

She realized that the process of getting there entails a lot of things, BIG responsibilities and lots of sacrifices… sweat, tears, and even blood is literally shed. Sleep, luxuries that one usually enjoys, and even relationships are given up. Lots of resources <money and time> are spent. Principles, convictions, and comfortable beliefs are challenged. And most importantly, faith is exercised to its maximum potential.

It used to be so much simple and beautiful at the same time.  Now, it seemed so hard, even impossible at times. Questions like "Is she cut out for this kind of job?" or "Does she have what it takes to become one?" or even "Is it really worth it?" begin to arise. Self-doubt, a feeling of unworthiness, and negative sentiments creep into her mind trying to shake the fierce determination to pursue that dream of becoming a doctor.

Yet a glimmer of hope still remains… and as long as that glimmer is still there, no matter how little it is, she would be willing to risk it. She would do what it takes… but she could only try. For she could never do it on her own…

She will need help. And that’s where GRACE enters… amazing grace from her Lord and Creator who loves her and calls her by name. Only then can her perceived dilemma become a dream once again. And only by GRACE can she turn her dream into reality.

<To be continued…>

Sometimes you surprise yourself when you realize how terribly you could miss one person. Well, how much more if there’s three of them…

One upon a time in a not-so-posh-dorm, I had three roomates… all with chinese blood and uh… "impeccable" academic records. I was the youngest and being all christians, I felt that they were <pardon me for being frank> compelled to "tolerate" my outright childishness at times and to be quite honest, I kinda enjoyed it. Hehe… after all, being the "youngest" is a privilege and I wasn’t able to actually enjoy its perks until they became my roomates. ;p

Now they’ve all graduated. Two are now career women in makati while the other one has gone back to china for her post-graduate studies. It’s funny coz even if they’re only 1-2 years older than me and I never call them "ate"… in a lot of ways, they actually are to me.

I may not share lots of similar experiences with them and they may have been physically absent during most of the significant moments in my life yet somehow, I believe that given a choice, they would try to be there.

So I’m just glad whenever I get a chance to reconnect with all of them and spend some quality time together with them because friends like them are pretty hard to find at a time like this!

Sure, I would still meet more people and probably forge friendship with some of them yet sometimes… I can’t help but think that three ex-roomates are definitely worth more than half of the acquaintances that I’ve met and will meet in my entire lifetime <charing!>!

P.S. Oist kung makabasa bitaw mong tulo ani, sensha na daan! ;p Wala bitaw copyright ang mga litrato nga akong gikuha diba? Hehehe. Gimingaw man ko so gilingaw nako akong kaugalingon. ;p Nyahaha!

Everyday… one has to decide, one has to make a choice.

I used to believe in the line, "I don’t have a choice". Now, I don’t. One can always choose… it’s just that, it may not be the choice that we would like to take. But we still have to decide anyway. As long as you’re ready to face the consequence of your decision or you’re at least prepared to LEARN from it, then you’ll be fine.

At one particular moment… you have to decide, my friend. In the meantime, I pray that you’ll be filled with wisdom and discernment that comes from above.

p. s.

Isn’t it just tough being a grown-up?

It’s brownout again?! Sheesh! The weather’s been quite gloomy lately. Good thing it doesn’t reflect my mood whatsoever. It did, however, reflect the result of the 2006 FIFA World Cup… uh, that is with respect to MY expected turnout of the match between France and Italy. Specifically, with respect to the midfield maestro, Zinedine Zidane’s last game in world cup.

I vowed to never let this day pass me by without venting out my sentiments regarding what had happened during that game. Thanks to Theophilus’ recovery (napagastos din ako nun ah!), I am now able to express my utter disappointment and frustration with regards to Zidane’s behavior.

<sigh> I could distinctly recall him saying something like them (soccer players)being looked up as  role models or something to that effect. It’s terribly sad. It made me realize how one’s career or wonderful reputation (even at its peak or prime) could go crumbling down right before your eyes with just a single… mistake. Why he did that was totally beyond me. But I do have speculations. Tin and I tried to come up with… uh… an excuse or two for his behavior. We thought, "Hey, maybe he felt harrassed when he was touched by Matarazzi!" or "Perhaps he was molested when he was young and it brought back ugly memories which triggered something that caused an acute aggression." He could plead temporary insanity and he might be off the hook! ;p Well, whatever that is… all I could say was that he’s got no excuse for doing that and sadly, he deserved the red card. If it’s any consolation, at least he still won the Golden Ball.

So, here’s to you Zidane… for a would-have-been wonderful culmination of your career. <sigh> It’s quite sad… you could’ve secured a spot in the "Hall of Fame" of our memory, maybe not for all the soccer fans out there, but at least for a few of us who was inspired by you.

I switched allegiance and cheered for France instead, just because of Zidane. But what he did was unthinkable. So congratulations to Italy! I sincerely believe that they deserved it!   

After England’s defeat <sniff, sniff> against Portugal during the World Cup quarter finals… I just had to console myself by watching Superman Returns. The Superman movies (starring Christopher Reeve) have always been one of my childhood favorites along with the Star Wars trilogy. It wasn’t that popular during that time yet but young as I was, Superman was already a favorite hero.

I must admit, I had some hesitations in watching the movie. I wondered whether it was worth the money (after all, i’m still a student who hasn’t received her allowance yet! kuripot mode). Yet, it did pay off. The movie was worth every centavo!

Here are some reasons why:

1) Brandon Routh is soooooo drop-dead gorgeous <swoons>!!! Enough said.

2) The casting was good. Bryan Singer was brilliant in deciding not to choose popular Hollywood figures in the cast. Kevin Spacey did a great job as Lex Luthor while Kate Bosworth was ok. She didn’t exactly portray the Lois Lane that I remembered but I would still applaud her. Plus, I like her wavy hair! ;p

3) Did I mention that Brandon Routh is gorgeous? Forgive my seemingly bias opinion, but I truly believe that he did an excellent job as Superman AND Clark Kent. Reminiscent of Christopher Reeve but has the potential to be his own character. Hopefully, he’ll establish his own "identity" in the sequels (please let there be at least one sequel!).

4) The plot, though not as I expected it to be, got me cheering, clapping, and even holding my breath.

5) The story was moving. Superman, though an alien, displayed a vulnerable "human side".

6) I like the script.

7) It reinforced my faith. The movie depicted Superman as some sort of a Christ-like figure, an alien messiah. Superman’s father, Jor-El made it evident and I quote:

"They can be a great people … They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all — their capacity for good — I’ve sent them you, my only son."

The parallelism is obvious: the Heavenly Father sending His only son to save humanity and fight for truth and justice. It’s quite a very good springboard for discussion about Jesus Christ. I did realize one very distinct difference between Superman and Jesus Christ when I heard this line:
   
“You wrote that the world doesn’t need a savior, but every day I hear people crying for one.”
–Superman to Lois Lane

So every day, Superman battles evil and tries to save humanity. Yet, Jesus Christ already did it. ONCE AND FOR ALL at Calvary. And He died doing it… not as an alien, but as a human being just like us. 

Amazing!

I guess that despite the fact that Superman was a complete hunk and swoon-worthy hero (by the way, my apologies to D-na, my movie companion who almost got beaten by my constant pinching and slapping as a manifestation of super-kilig), Jesus Christ still remains to be my Ultimate hero. Yah, yah… perhaps I might not swoon the way I did when I watched Superman but I bet in all His glory contrasted to my utter unworthiness, I would not be able to do anything but go down on my knees and tremble in fear and reverence and above all things… in worship.